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Sharing is easier said then done in the toddler world. Sharing is an act that is gradually learned by children over the first five years of life. Sharing is something modeled and discussed with toddlers but not expected. Children need to learn object permanence before they can learn to share. This developmental milestone means that a toddler knows an object exists even though they can't see it. The following points can help you understand and assist a toddler in their journey to learning the art of sharing:
Toddlers need to first develop a sense of ownership; the realization that something can be theirs before they can give it away.
Toddlers often extend a toy as an action to "show the toy" - not share it.
"Toy taking" stems from the lack of understanding of the rules of possession.
Many adults "rush" the act of sharing, due to sharing being a highly valued social skill.
Set aside a special time each day for toddlers to play with their own toys, rather than insisting they not bring them at all or making toddlers share their things with everyone else.
It takes many months and many contacts with other children before sharing is finally done willfully. It is common for children to learn to share and regress to not sharing over, and over, until the act of sharing is truly learned.
Get a perspective on sharing. Would you happily share your treasures - china, car or money?
You may want to use the word "borrow" instead of "share". Asking "Would you like to share your toy?" is giving the child the choice to say "No.". It is easier to share when an exchange is offered. Teach children to offer a trade when they want to play with someone else's toy.
Sometimes a kitchen timer to indicate "playing time is over" can be helpful.
When sharing a certain toy creates too much frustration and disruption, remove the toy and give the toddlers a chance to play with the toy again later.
Developed with funding from South Dakota Department of Social Services’ Office of Child Care Services and the Bush Foundation in cooperation with South Dakota Children’s of Sioux Valley Hospital and USD Medical Center.
7/28/2008